Many of us don’t like to discuss boundaries, yet it’s one of the most important parts of being human. Everyone should consider their own and other’s boundaries so your relationships are surrounded by respect. You can apply these rules of boundaries to every aspect in your life: friends, family, kids, coworkers, and even animals.
The night before Episode 5 aired, Sammy had trouble sleeping; she didn’t mind though, since whenever she can’t sleep, it’s because she needs to meditate. She meditated on the topic she would be discussing on camera and wondered how to share boundaries without making anyone uncomfortable. She needed to find a gentle way to explain the importance of boundaries. Then she realized, boundaries are all about communication. If you can communicate from a leadership approach, then you’ll be able to set and respect boundaries without any problems.
Whether you have a cat or a dog, it’s important to set boundaries with your pet. Sammy herself is a cat-person, and although she knows how to set boundaries now, she wasn’t confident in her skills in the past. Before, she felt she had no boundaries between her pets; she would cater to their wants on their time. When you do this, you don’t realize they’re the ones making the decisions. This is why trainers are so helpful; they teach your pets boundaries so they can stay focused and respect you. This is something you can do on your own as well.
When sitting down with your children or grandchildren, it’s important to be able to teach them boundaries at a young age so they learn every cause has an effect. If you do good things, good things happen; if you do bad things, bad experiences will come your way. They must understand this early on so they can decide what experiences they want to create for themselves.
When children become teenagers, the boundaries they have shift. As a parent, one should respect their teenager’s privacy. This is something many parents forget to do; instead, they invade their children’s boundaries. This creates conflict which leads to arguments. Ultimately, respect between parent and child is lost due to a disrespect of boundaries.
No matter who you’re in a romantic relationship with, space is something everyone needs. Sammy learned how and when to give her husband space; Kosta also knows when his wife needs space. They give each other space because they honor the request without question. Having boundaries teaches you to step back sometimes, and to let others know you respect them enough to allow them time to themselves.
Likes and dislikes can also be respectable boundaries. Sammy’s friends know what she likes; they also know what she doesn’t like. Your friends should know your personality and what you feel comfortable doing. Sammy’s friends know what kind of events to invite her to, and they respect whether or not she will accept the invitation. When you have this connection with friends, you can mutually respect each other’s boundaries.
When visiting family, it’s easy to invade each other’s space. The trick is to adapt to the other person’s schedule to respect their boundaries while setting your own. When Sammy visits her mother out of town, she recognizes her mother likes to sleep in late. Sammy makes sure not to complain or expect her mother to wake up early because this is where her mother is comfortable. Instead, she allows her mother to stick to her usual schedule and Sammy works around it.
Many of the relationships discussed today are found in the office too; whether you work with your spouse, you’re friends with your coworker, or your boss brings her dog to the office, the same rules apply. Though boundaries are occasionally not needed, when a boundary must be set, you need to come from a loving place. Explain your boundaries in a kind manner so your coworkers can respect your comfort zones. You need to take a leadership approach and come to them with confidence when discussing what works for you.
LIVING THE TRUTH
Sammy once had a friend who shared with her something he was teaching his children: “I’ve been telling them smoking is bad for them,” he said. Sammy, however, realized her friend was still smoking in front of his children. If you want to teach your children right from wrong, you must lead by example. Whether it’s your children or your spouse or your friend, you can be the example they follow.
At the end of the day, Kosta can tell if Sammy walks the walk and talks the talk. He will know if she’s not living what she preaches. When you say something, mean it. This is the easiest way to let others know who you are and what you expect from others. Communicate from a loving place so your boundaries are clearly understood.
Often, people are uncomfortable setting boundaries with others. This is because society views boundaries as a negative topic. Boundaries, however, aren’t negative. They’re positive. Everyone can benefit from setting and respecting boundaries. It strengthens your relationships! Using a loving, kind approach is most beneficial for both sides. Boundaries are all about communication. If you speak with confidence, your boundaries will be respected because you are not attacking or accusing others.
Analyze your life and consider how boundaries–healthy and broken–have impacted you, your loved ones, friends, family, and even pets. If you care enough about those relationships, what are you willing to do today to change? Do you want others to hear you? To talk to you? To listen to your true self? Then communicate. Communicate with confidence and love about the true person that you are, your needs, and your desires. If you come from a loving place, everyone will understand.